You know what I think would be a fantastic idea? If the MTA were to begin serving alcoholic beverages (and all types of beverages, really--and snacks, while we're at it) on subway platforms (AND cars!), a la MetroNorth and LIRR style. I mean, really. Instead of raising fares, wouldn't this be a smart strategy to generate some dough to fill that pesky "deficit" the MTA is always complaining about?
Yes, obviously there are already several independent snack/magazine vendors at stations throughout the city. But the ideal would be to have such concession stands available at every single station, where each one of them also served ALCOHOL, 24/7. Perhaps even a mini-car on your train devoted to serving food & drink? Why hasn't this happened already?! We could drink up in paper bags and it would all be legal and sweet.
Think about how great this would be for partiers en route: Going to a soiree in Greenpoint but losing your buzz as you wait to transfer to the never-arriving G train? Grab an ice-cold 40 of Bud and get back on track! Trying to save some cash by living in bumblefuck Queens but you hang out on the LES every weekend? Don't convince yourself you can't start the pregaming at your crib for fear of passing out on the ride there--just keep the party rolling on the F train and save a few bucks at the bar!
Even more positive, however, would be the effects on everyday commuters during rush hour. How many times I have longed for a stiff one on the way home when stuck between stations because of "red signals ahead"! And could you imagine the business to be made when one of those really fucked-up "we're staying underground for a good hour because of a broken train ahead of us" situations arises?!?! I am getting so excited just thinking about it. The anger & resentment felt toward our fellow commuters--this could all so easily be transformed into an amicable, partylike experience with a few sips of booze to tone down the annoyance of having to contort one's body in ways never before known to be possible. Or to deal with the horrid stench of soot-covered homeless man just to get a seat in the only empty train car.
Imagine a subway where stinky-ethnic-food-carrying person and smug businesswoman mingle effortlessly. Or ironic hipster graphic-designer man from Minnesota and boombox-carrying thug from Bed Stuy become instant best friends. I think this is just what we need to generate a perpetual air of camaraderie, and it could really transform the NYC subway system & culture as we know it.
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Friday, April 25, 2008
I like your hair color, butterfly
is what some crazy muttered to me the other day on the F going home from work. Way to boost my ego, psychotic old man!
smart decisions on the F train
As of late, I have found myself devising efficient strategies for snagging a seat on the often late, and therefore always packed, rush-hour morning F train.
Now mind you, this is not as easy a feat as when I lived in Ridgewood and commuted via the L train. I stuck to a very simple strategy for getting a seat on the way back home: If it walks & talks* like a hipster, stand nearby. By using this no-fail technique, I was usually able to sit at some point by the Grand St. stop. (I usually had a seat in the AM since it wasn't too packed by the time the train arrived at Wyckoff-Myrtle.)
*note: because there is often a very fine line between Polish (read: most definitely getting off at Wyckoff-Myrtle) and hipster, it was very important to ensure that the person in question was, indeed, a native English speaker in order to snag a seat.
These days, however, things are a little more complex. The F train, as it runs its route in Queens, does not pass through any hip or even "up-and-coming" neighborhoods as defined by modern-day standards. In fact, it traverses through some of the most ghetto and uncool, respectively, 'hoods in the borough. After a year and a half of living in Kew Gardens, though, keen observation has provided me with the following rules for my morning commute:
-Be on the lookout for anyone who is NOT wearing business/professional attire. If they are carrying a briefcase, there is no chance they are getting off anywhere in Queens. Steer clear of such individuals and instead hover near anyone dressed in extremely casual clothing, semi-crazy-looking and/or talking to oneself (tip-off that they probably don't have a job, especially not in the city, but proceed with caution) and/or carrying a small bag--or even better, no bag at all.
-The "extremely casual clothing" rule especially applies to thug-like individuals. Bandanas, teardrop tattoos, music blaring from a phone and/or other handheld device, an angry mother with 3 or more young children: These signals practically scream "I'm getting off at Queensbridge." No idea where they're going at 9 am, but stand near one of these rare gems in the morning and you will be on your way to seated bliss.
-The elderly are likely to depart in Queens, especially if they are particularly frail-looking or carrying a cane. Perhaps they enjoy making early-morning visits to friends/family or are going to/coming from a doctor's appointment. Whatever the reason may be, it's a 90% guarantee that they will leave behind an empty seat sooner rather than later.
-Steer clear of anyone with luggage. They are clearly a tourist on their way into the city from JFK -- there is no way they're spending their dream vacation in NYC in Queensbridge or Jackson Heights. No seat for you, buddy.
-Make your way to anyone in the 12 to 18 age range carrying a backpack and/or reading a textbook. There are plenty of public and private junior highs & high schools scattered along the F line in Queens, and chances are good that they're getting off somewhere in the Q-boro (many of them even depart as soon as Forest Hills!). If they look particularly astute, though, it's likely that they go to some fancy-ass school in the city, so it's a kind of hit-or-miss.
Please note that I am by no means a seat nazi. I willingly give up my seat for an elderly or pregnant person when I see one, but in the summer, when the average temperature in the station is about 115 degrees and in the train itself, 100 degrees, it's important to be on your game as to avoid looking like you just ran the NYC marathon before arriving at work. Getting a seat really helps. Especially if, like me, you carry a purse/normal bag, gym bag, and sometimes a bag with lunch during your commute. Sweat central trying to juggle all that shit while holding onto a poll and dodging several limbs as you attempt to maintain stability.
Now mind you, this is not as easy a feat as when I lived in Ridgewood and commuted via the L train. I stuck to a very simple strategy for getting a seat on the way back home: If it walks & talks* like a hipster, stand nearby. By using this no-fail technique, I was usually able to sit at some point by the Grand St. stop. (I usually had a seat in the AM since it wasn't too packed by the time the train arrived at Wyckoff-Myrtle.)
*note: because there is often a very fine line between Polish (read: most definitely getting off at Wyckoff-Myrtle) and hipster, it was very important to ensure that the person in question was, indeed, a native English speaker in order to snag a seat.
These days, however, things are a little more complex. The F train, as it runs its route in Queens, does not pass through any hip or even "up-and-coming" neighborhoods as defined by modern-day standards. In fact, it traverses through some of the most ghetto and uncool, respectively, 'hoods in the borough. After a year and a half of living in Kew Gardens, though, keen observation has provided me with the following rules for my morning commute:
-Be on the lookout for anyone who is NOT wearing business/professional attire. If they are carrying a briefcase, there is no chance they are getting off anywhere in Queens. Steer clear of such individuals and instead hover near anyone dressed in extremely casual clothing, semi-crazy-looking and/or talking to oneself (tip-off that they probably don't have a job, especially not in the city, but proceed with caution) and/or carrying a small bag--or even better, no bag at all.
-The "extremely casual clothing" rule especially applies to thug-like individuals. Bandanas, teardrop tattoos, music blaring from a phone and/or other handheld device, an angry mother with 3 or more young children: These signals practically scream "I'm getting off at Queensbridge." No idea where they're going at 9 am, but stand near one of these rare gems in the morning and you will be on your way to seated bliss.
-The elderly are likely to depart in Queens, especially if they are particularly frail-looking or carrying a cane. Perhaps they enjoy making early-morning visits to friends/family or are going to/coming from a doctor's appointment. Whatever the reason may be, it's a 90% guarantee that they will leave behind an empty seat sooner rather than later.
-Steer clear of anyone with luggage. They are clearly a tourist on their way into the city from JFK -- there is no way they're spending their dream vacation in NYC in Queensbridge or Jackson Heights. No seat for you, buddy.
-Make your way to anyone in the 12 to 18 age range carrying a backpack and/or reading a textbook. There are plenty of public and private junior highs & high schools scattered along the F line in Queens, and chances are good that they're getting off somewhere in the Q-boro (many of them even depart as soon as Forest Hills!). If they look particularly astute, though, it's likely that they go to some fancy-ass school in the city, so it's a kind of hit-or-miss.
Please note that I am by no means a seat nazi. I willingly give up my seat for an elderly or pregnant person when I see one, but in the summer, when the average temperature in the station is about 115 degrees and in the train itself, 100 degrees, it's important to be on your game as to avoid looking like you just ran the NYC marathon before arriving at work. Getting a seat really helps. Especially if, like me, you carry a purse/normal bag, gym bag, and sometimes a bag with lunch during your commute. Sweat central trying to juggle all that shit while holding onto a poll and dodging several limbs as you attempt to maintain stability.
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